“a coaching model constructed to help men stop being blindsided in their relationships.”
Not with toxic relationship positivity…. not by telling my guys what to do…but by helping them look at their dance of disconnection that pushes their partner away through safety of a performance anxiety lens.
This lens changes everything for my guys when they glean the crash-out is from the brain, sounding the red code alert…their flight, fight, freeze reponse.
You are not crazy….your brain and body is literally doing what it is supposed to do under pressure.
WHAT DRIVES MY WORK WITH MEN
Changing the way men understand and face relational pressure
Most of the guys I coach were never taught by their caregivers how to effectively express themself when they become emotionlly overwhelmed in their relationships.
Psychologically men are wired to escalate faster than women……their thinking brain goes offline, no logical thinking, no rational thinking…..leading to the crash-out.
Some men shut down not trying to avoid making it worse, some respond harshly, leading to guilt and shame when the smoke clears.
I help my guys develop a pre-game plan to stop the dance before it begins.
My guys are not broken….it’s about understanding the impact of simple brain science - it’s performance anxiety.
I have helped dozen of men believe disconnection isn’t about being broken; it’s about not having a pre-game performance anxiety management plan. Tools to respond differently when it counts.
My mission is to give my guys a space where they don’t have to perform, but can practice. A place to learn clear, practical skills for handling conflict in their, building connection, and stepping into leadership at home and in their communities via
“microwins” small wins, consistently
overcoming performance anxiety
In private practice I saw again and again how men “chose” to sufferin silence.
Today it still troubles me because guys are blocking full access to themself. Only seeking help because the crash-out got the best of them and the relationship is on the line.
Now sitting in front of me, the pain became too much or I was the last contact before the divorce attorney.
One of my goals is breaking the stigma of men mental health.
None of us our broken -
like myself, our caregivers did not teach us how to effectively express our emotions in our relationships.
Also, after a crash-out - without any tools, it is normal to carry fear and shame silently….
Today men are suffering from the epidemic of low emotional self-awareness.
I made a decision to leave private practice and begin coaching men, using the tools I learned as a sports psychotherapist.
Just like my athletes and performers, I coach my guys to construct a plan so they can access their full selves during intense fellowship.
My niche, helping men identify and stop their dance of disconnection using a performance anxiety lens.
The crash-out isn’t about weakness - it’sabout learning how you brain and how to manage your brain and nervous system.
It’s about understanding what happens when the brain does not feel safe in relationships - it sends a red code alert.
The good news is-
through repetition we can all rewire our brain to show up differently in our relatioships.
When men are given the right tools, taught to speak the right language, and use the strategies, they start performing differently in the moments that matter most.
overcoming performance anxiety
Most guys do not have the words to ask for what they need, in a way that their partner can hear them…….
Like an athlete who struggles with performance anxiety in the biggest moment- or the person struggling with stage fright…..
“when the brain detects any threat it triggers the red code alert in milliseconds, unconsciously all at one speed.
All in the purpose of survival - preparing the body to flight, fight or freeze.
Having a pre-game anxiety performance plan matters to prevent from becoming emotionally overwhelmed and consumed with overwhelming feelings in the body.
the babystepssaq mental coaching model was created from a performance anxiety lens so you can stay present and have full access to yourself during intense fellowship.
No toxic relationship positivity touted all over social media….
Real researched-based strategies I have been trained in and used dozens of times to be accessible, responsive and engage with your partner.
babysteps taps into the concept of “microwins” small wins, consistently…..
“saq” speed, agility, and quickness. The ability to adjust to be present and have full access to yourself.
Why I built this model
social media toxic relationship is dangerous and sets you up failure
My coaching model is built on research based strategies, many I learned as a therapist and have been certified to use. This is not therapy, however, as a coach I specilaize in performance anxiety. My goal is to coach, so you can go on a journey to construct a plan based on the root cause of your dance of disconnection.
I regularly attend trainings to maintain my many certifications and stay on top of the latest break throughs so I can lead my industry.
THE EXPERIENCE BEHIND THE COACHING
Grounded in decades of real work…..
Listen -
Many guys are not aggressive with seeking therapy. That is one reason why I built the babystepssaq model.
My model is not only a coaching program but a safe place, one of confidentiality.
My hopes and dreams is that it serves as a gateway to holding a conversation about the benefits of therapy.
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MS Marriage & Family Therapy
MBA
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Brainspotting (BSP): Phase 1-4, Group, Adolescent & Children, Expansion brainspotting trained
Routinely attend trainings to maintain my license and stay abreast of the latest advancements in theh field.
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Independent Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
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Certified Brainspotting
Symbis Facilitator/pre-marriage & marriage assessment
Dr. Eric Thomas LLC. Certified Extreme Execution Level 1 Life Coach /Flight Assessment 2.0 personality assessment
Certified Clinical Anxiety Treatment Professional (CCTAP)
Precision Nutrition Coach PN1
“microwins”- small wins, consistently.
Neuroplasticity a big word for understanding our brain has the ability to rewire itself. We can change our brains.
Based on Hebb’s Law……”what fires together, wire together.”
Now,
It’s about showing up for practice, building consistency, and calming the brain.
That’s my job. I specialize in helping men develop a pre-game anxiety management to use when intense fellowship arise. “I see all disconnection in relationships from a performance anxiety lens.”
No longer do you have to be overwhelmed emotionally leading to the crash-out that often drives futher distance between you to.
Think about how an athlete feels at crunch time when the moment feels too big. Or think about the body of a person who has stage fright and is about to go in stage. The brain is sending the red code alert - the thinking brain goes offline……the result emotional overwhelm because of the flight, fight, fressze response - they crash-out because they didn’t have the tools……..A pre-game anxiety management program.
Their literally did what it was supposed to do to protect them and your brain is doing the same thing for you.
No more……..
as your coach, I will help you develop strategies to manage those uncomfortable feelings starting in the body. We will construct a plan to keep your thinking brain online - help you stay present to slow things down and respond with your terms.
When your brain is safe and you have full access to yourself, you speak the language of connection 101, a language will learn to speak in this model.
Like shooting a basketball, bad form matters. Fake social media relationship experts serves up advice focusing on toxic relationship positivity, bad form, causing you to miss the big shot. It’s one size fits all strategy sets you up because everyone is not wired to use the same strategies…..
Rep after rep, toxic relationship positvity is causing you to get up bad reps. When the intense fellowship ends, your still left feeling frustrated, feeling like a failure, guilty or full of shame becasue when it mattered you missed the shot.
No more, I will give you strategies I have used a dozen of times so you can run the proper reps. Proper repst that matter.
You are not broken, you have everything you need personally. You just need help understanding your wiring and constructing a personalized plan.
Every rep counts, no matter how small.
You’re not training alone.
Let’s build your pre-game performance anxiety management plan together.